Parenting in a 24-hour World

During my book club meeting the other night, we discussed parenting. A topic rich in opinions. The prevailing thought was “why don’t kids come with a user guide?” Sure, there are tons of parenting books, websites and blogs where you can find varying opinions about how to be a good parent. And, it’s probably ten times easier to get your hands on that advice than it was when we were kids. 

To add to the discussion that we started the other night, I wanted to share a couple of things I read recently which rang true for me. In an interview with Esquire, Ethan Hawke talks about his new film Boyhood, which was filmed over the course of 12 years with the same core of actors and directed by Richard Linklater. It’s about parenting and growing up. Hawke says, “we would sit there and ask, ‘Oh what  are some of the most important experiences you had with your father growing up?’ Because what we’re trying to avoid was things like losing your virginity, the day your dad got remarried...because those alleged important days are usually pretty obvious. And you don’t have many interesting things to say about them. What I remember about growing up with my dad was camping. And him sitting by the fire playing guitar. And us making hot dogs. That is where the real glue of our relationship is: those weird moments when my dad wasn’t at work, when he was free to be himself.”

Of course we remember the big events, but it’s those little snippets that we remember. I remember playing Monopoly, going to the movies, to the park, to Mayfest and other places of interest around my hometown. Those moments are what stay with me because I had my dad’s attention. We were focused on each other.

To contrast that, I recently read Sycamore Row by John Grisham. He writes, “a child is not born with the tendency to neglect; it has to be acquired. Herschel learned from a master.”

In our time of smartphones and 24-hour connections, I like to take time to put away that little screen which can consume our lives with email, news and social media and focus on those in my life who matter most today and tomorrow–those little people who still think we are giants. Those little people who will grow up and become giants. 

#parenting #socialmedia

Where's the manual?

For some reason kids failed to come with a manual. I’m not sure why they are born into this world without one. It seems like a horrible oversight. I mean even McDonald toys come with instructions, so why not kids?

The What to Expect series helps you out in those first few years, but what to do when they really have minds of their own and you have more than one? 

Discipline has been our number one conundrum in this child raising business. It never fails that our boys disagree and then that disagreement can eventually become heated. That’s when we intervene, but depending on the severity, my husband and I are often at a loss for what to do and a discussion ensues on what a proper punishment would be.

So, instead of trying to figure out what consequence the boys should suffer for their offense, I decided to come up with a cheat sheet so that we are all literally on the same page. Granted, I really wish I’d come up with this at the beginning of the summer. It would’ve been a great opportunity for them to tackle my honey-do list.

I’m by no means a parenting expert, but I’ve always heard that consistency is key and I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast this morning much less what we did the last time they did X. 

So, here’s my cheat sheet. I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments. 

Offense	What it Mean	Consequence
Fighting with your brother	Too much time on your hands	Take a chore out of the chore jar
Messy room	Not enough time on your hands	Lose Computer/XBox/TV time for one day per room
Throwing your clothes in your closet instead of hanging them up	Not enough time on your hands	Lose Computer/XBox/TV time for one day
Stuffing your clothes under your bed instead of hanging them up	Not enough time on your hands	Lose Computer/XBox/TV time for one day
Not doing your chores	Not enough time on your hands	Lose Computer/XBox/TV time for one day
Leaving your stinky hockey clothes in the bag	Not appreciating your mother’s time	Do a load of laundry
Leaving your dirty clothes on the floor	Not appreciating your mother’s time	Do a load of laundry

One more thing

Conversation with Trent:

I’m busy writing because I have an article due by end of day (read: scrolling through Facebook and checking my hair for split ends), when Trent walks in the back door. “Mom! Do we have any ant killer?”

“Probably, why?” 

“Because, I think we might need some. You should come look.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yea, come on.”

I walk outside in my bare feet because they’ve been tucked under me while I’ve been “writing”. He leads me to two of the trees that look like they’ve shed all of their leaves, but since some of them are still clinging for dear life, I refuse to rake until they fall and die. So, I tip toe over trying to get my little toes poked by sharp leaves and sure enough all of the ants in Round Rock have found two of my oak trees and are having some sort of field day marathon. 

“See, mom, we need ant killer.”

“Yea, you should talk to your dad about that,” I told him as I walked inside. “That is totally his thing.”

I Should've Been An Expert

I’ve worked for about five and half hours today. I realized it was time to call it quits when I was spending more time researching how Dylan can get past a level in ACIII and updating Facebook, than researching the best methods of sealcoating. 

Besides, after spending much of my day emailing and calling experts that are clearly too important to have to work on New Year’s Eve, I began to see it was truly a wasted day. I need an Experts R’ Us. Do you think we can get one of those on tap? Unfortunately, I have seven articles due in two weeks. Two of them I can write in my sleep, but the others require these experts who are too smart to have to work today. I should’ve been an expert.

At this point in my researching day, it's probably better that I don't write anything that I'm paid to write or talk to anyone, because I'm more like the ginger-headed "This one time, at band camp" girl from American Pie, but without her meds. Clearly, I need to exercise. But, I took one look outside this morning when I was kissing my husband good-bye and saw the rain and fog and gray clouds and said forget that. I told him "good luck with that" and quickly shut and locked the door. 

This is how my writing day typically goes: Fix breakfast and get kids to school. Come home, look around and decide to either do laundry, take a shower, go workout, or write. I choose anything but writing. Then I do one of the other things (usually shower). After that, I’m feeling refreshed and usually famished so I make myself lunch and think about writing. Then I sit down at my computer and check my email, Facebook, the news. Half an hour later, I look at the clock and it’s almost time to get the kids. So, I get down to the business of writing something to make myself seem productive. 

So now you guys know why it’s taking me so long to finish my novel (at least I have a first draft). And, all of the above is for stuff I’m paid to do. But, I chalk it up to research and kind of writing, because I’m always thinking of things in my head. Trust me, the conversations in my head are way funnier. I just can't ever remember what I was thinking by the time I sit down in front of a computer.

Anyway, if I’d been an expert I wouldn’t have to track down all of those other experts who are too smart to have to work on New Year’s Eve and I could write my own article without them. I may do that anyway.

Happy New Year!!

Camping: A Cold Day in Hell

Let me just preface this with an admission: I’m not a camper. I like nice and comfy. But, as the mother of two boys, I try to be a good sport. So when my oldest asked to go on a Boy Scout winter camping trip, I said sure. I imagined myself relaxing in the tent reading the funny book I just started and laughing out loud without anyone looking at me funny. This summer, we purchased a gigantic tent and air mattresses, so why not. At least in the winter, you won’t melt.

What I didn’t imagine was shivering so much that I actually lost weight and couldn’t fathom pulling my hands out to hold my iPad. Or, waking up in the middle of the night needing to go to the bathroom and deciding I would rather risk a kidney infection than to get out of my sleeping bag. I did manage to inch my nose out from under the covers to hiss at my husband to turn on the portable heater. (After all, this is his fault right? If he had given me a girl, I would’ve stayed home with her.)

Have you ever seen a wet cat? That was me. Because, did I mention that it was drizzling and raining? We had to hike to the bathrooms. As one of only two moms on this ill-fated, windy, wet camping trip, I can say that it was not a desirable situation in the middle of the 40 degree night. The others had either learned their lesson before, or are just smarter than me.

Needless to say, I didn’t get any reading done. I did, however, get in my nice, comfy car the next morning and drive home with my youngest, feeling only a bit guilty at leaving my oldest and husband behind. Of course, not guilty enough to suffer with them for the next two nights. I’m glad I had only committed to one night. Now, I’m finally getting to read that funny book in the comfort of my big, warm, cushy bed.

Shades of Pink

The Fifty Shades Trilogy was wildly popular among moms here in the burbs. If you don’t believe me, you should’ve seen all of the happy husbands this past summer. It sparked such rampant reading that one book publisher noted it as a reason for their decrease in quarterly revenue. 

There have been many who tried to figure out what it was that made the books so popular. While some men try to claim that they get Playboy to read the articles, women can’t claim that they bought the 50 trilogy for its quality of writing. 

Well, it turns out that all of that extra frisky time had some health benefits. In this article from Women’s Day http://bit.ly/UgQmHG, it suggests that time in the bedroom can make you thinner, your heart healthier, boost your immune system, improve mental health and sleep, relieve pain, and give you healthier skin. Some studies have even linked the frequency of orgasms to a decrease in breast and prostate cancer, a cure for PMS, and a surge of the anti-aging DHEA. So instead of worrying about that face lift in a few years, you can save yourself the trouble and money by grabbing that husband. 

To help you along, in their December issue, GQ came out with five dirty books for men to read. So I double-dog dare you to pick one up for your hubby this holiday season. It’s for your health after all. 

On their list: John Updike's Couples, Nicholson Baker's The Fermata, Alan Hollinghurst's The Swimming-Pool Library, Nic Kelman's girls, and James Salter's A Sport and a Pastime. The GQ article is worth a read because it gives you a sneak peak into each book so you can decide which one that man in your life would like best.

Happy reading and other stuff.

Advent ideas

Every year, I run into the same problem with Advent–what do I get? I try to strive for an average of $1 per gift. When the boys were little, matchbox cars were great. I've also purchased small Lego kits and split them apart to make it last longer (i.e. the person for one day, and the vehicle or other part the next). Now that the boys are older, cars don't really work and they already have tons of Legos. Last year, I started doing coupons that I made. This year, we came up with more ideas for the coupons because they were the biggest hit last year.

I've included some below in case you need ideas too. I have more designs and ideas too (like bake cookies, and Christmas Light Night). If you would like the word document, I can send them to you. If you have ideas to share, I'd love to hear them.