Diary of a Wimpy Mom

Boot camp: Week "too long"
Ok, so I’m totally rockin’ these cute white shorts after our excruciating boot camp this morning. I’m home trying to let the dog out to go to the bathroom and get to my hair appointment across town on time. (I may have been late to everything including my own wedding, but I am NEVER late to a hair appointment – it’s important business.) And, let me just tell you, a big black Bernese Mountain Dog and white shorts DO NOT mix. Hello! Does he have to show his affection all over my shorts and Pliner shoes?!! I could do with a little less affection thank you very much.

So, this week Hurricane Alex, or Adam or whatever, is wreaking havoc on our little outdoor boot camp so we’ve had to move our little butts (yes, they are getting smaller) inside as to not damage the fields. No, Drill Sergeant is so not concerned about our hair getting frizzy – it’s the field damage that is disconcerting. So, we are in an air-conditioned (I know, poor us) room that’s normally used for Zoomba, karate, etc. with mirrors everywhere. I mean really, do you think I want to look at myself at 5:30 in the morning? Um, no – my hair isn’t done, I have no make-up on and I haven’t showered, because really what’s the point? (Shut-up! No comments from the peanut gallery about my lack of showering.)

So, this is what I want you to do: Stand on one leg, put the other leg straight behind you. Put one hand behind your back and the other just barely on a chair for balance (if you need it). Now, bend the leg you are standing on – shoulders back, chin up. Now, stay there for 5 minutes. Feel that? That is your ass and that fleshy part of your thigh with all of those dimples that is melting off. You can thank me later. Blondie, Brownie, Sucker and I did it, so you can too.

Okay, so maybe we whined a bit and let our foot down when Drill Sergeant wasn’t looking. But, when you only have two rows of people and all of those damn mirrors, you really can’t get away with much. Creative counting does NOT work here.
After our upper thighs and derrieres fell off, we did some crunches that would have Jillian Michaels yelling uncle. Combine all of that with these weird push up things with weights and rolling around so that your arm is in the air and running laps and stairs and that constituted our workout today.

So, I can gladly say that today I burned a whopping 500 calories compared to Tuesday’s paltry 300 and I am ready and able to eat all of the juicy ribs and hot dogs that the Fourth of July has to offer. Oh, and ice cream, did I mention before that I liked ice cream? What’s the Fourth without ice cream over cobbler? Besides, I’m sure that I’ll have to run up and down the stands at the baseball game getting all of those delicious things that Drill Sergeant has banned. As if! He thinks everything we eat should fit in a sandwich bag. Maybe he means that I can eat all of the ice cream that would fit in the bag, and all of the ribs, and potato salad, and cobbler. I bet that’s it.

Here’s to a Happy Fourth!,