Boot Camp: Day 3
Holy cow! Drill Sergeant must have read my blog and been ticked off. That man worked us like we were red-headed step-children. If I can launch myself out of bed in the morning, it will be a miracle. I found muscles today that I never knew existed – mainly in my lower back and sides.
So, we start off with our run to the Beauty School again – I find that funny since this is a boot camp. We look anything but. After we get there, Drill Sergeant tells us we should be moving at all times, so we have to run in place while he talks. Then he wants a volunteer to demonstrate our first task. Blondie and I volunteer Brownie. So, down she goes onto those nasty mats that look like they’ve been through several boot camps and obviously not fared well. Let’s hope we look different when we finish.
So, Brownie and Drill Sergeant demonstrate this funky hand holding, sit up, high five thing, which Drill Sergeant says “it’s like being at the Gilley.” Huh? He says “haven’t you all ever heard of Gilley’s? You know Urban Cowboy? Electric bull riding?” Of course Blondie has. Brownie’s still trying to picture Drill Sergeant watching Urban Cowboy and riding an electric bull. Yeah, not so much.
For some insane reason, Blondie and I team up and decide that is the station for us! We get to 25 of those high-fives and my side is burning so bad I can’t possibly high-five Blondie again and I figure out that I can high-five her without even lifting myself up. Then Drill Sergeant has to go and ruin it all, “Taylor ya’ll are too close, scoot back, get those arms up, we need high high-fives.” Seriously? He’s gonna be the death of me. Blondie and I decide that we’ll do 25 then switch sides to cut down on the “Oh, my God, you’re on fire” burning sensation in our sides.
After that fun little drill, we run over to the tires. It looks like Drill Sergeant high-jacked some trucker and took his tires – he thinks we should flip these over all the way down the parking lot and back again. Oh, and I forgot to mention that all of the stations are based on how fast the people at the tires can go. So, if you go slow, people hate you. So, we’re flipping these big assed tires, and Blondie can’t keep her tire under control. I reminded her, “you gotta push it down on it’s way down.” That got it under control, but then Drill Sergeant threw a nail in our tire flipping and told us that we’re supposed to be straddling it, “get your feet on the sides.” HELLO! Does he not see that I’m 5 feet tall, and if I put my feet on either side, I’ll do the splits? URGH!
We make our way over to the side crunch station (by the way, we were fast on the tire flipping thing), and get going with this weight bar over our heads. We have to straddle the curb and side bend down with it over our head, touching it on the ground and then pulling it sideways over our head. I get a good rhythm going, and then he blows the whistle to switch sides. I see Brownie carrying this gigantic 50 gallon water bottle and Drill Sergeant yells at her, “There’s a sale at Macy’s, get to moving!” I don’t think I have ever seen that girl move that fast. At least now we know why we don’t have water at the Y.
When Blondie and I get to the “Clean and Jerk” station, I can’t remember how to do it, so Blondie and I are looking around for the stinking paper that shows us the move. Drill Sergeant barks, “Hey Starbucks, get to moving!” (I thought I was Taylor – I guess we have new names) I have to explain to him that we don’t know what we’re doing. So he talks me through it, but tells me I have to stick my butt out (that is not a problem, it usually sticks out all by itself thank you very much.) So, Blondie and I are “cleaning and jerking” and I look over at the tire station to gauge how much more time we have left. I can’t believe it, this chick is over there staring at her tire like the damn thing is going to flip itself over. “Lady, get a move on! I’m tired of cleaning and jerking!”
Next we lugged the water jugs around (there were garbage dumpsters that we had to walk around, and you could stand there in the shade and no one could see you, it was sweet – best station ever!) But, Drill Sergeant catches me lagging and tried to pull the same Macy’s comment on me that he did on Brownie, but he doesn’t understand that he had to say there was a sale at Baskin Robbins, not Macy’s, to motivate this gal. I even wore my homemade skin-tight pink shirt that says “We’re the fat girls your mom warned you about.” Originally it said “We’re the fast girls your mom warned you about”, but my ‘s’ fell off in the dryer. Brownie, Blondie and I had made them for the Cap10K.
So then we get to push gigantic gourds on little flat dollies with wheels. I thought this was going to be an easy station, I mean their wheels, right? But, no, that would be underestimating dear old Drill Sergeant. So, I’m pushing mine along and trying to keep the stupid thing going in a reasonably straight line when Drill Sergeant yells at me to get my legs on either side and push. (You know, my husband tried to tell me that the first time I gave birth and I almost ripped his head off. He didn’t have much to say during the delivery of our second child. I think Drill Sergeant should take notes from my husband and shut the hell up.) So I tell him about the splits thing and he retorts, “good, you can walk in the splits can’t you?!!!” Um, no Drill Sergeant, I CANNOT WALK in the bleep n’ bleep splits, but thanks for checking.
So, if that wasn’t hard enough, we then had to do it walking backwards. That finally got my butt to stick out. Drill Sergeant should be proud.
