I Should've Been An Expert

I’ve worked for about five and half hours today. I realized it was time to call it quits when I was spending more time researching how Dylan can get past a level in ACIII and updating Facebook, than researching the best methods of sealcoating. 

Besides, after spending much of my day emailing and calling experts that are clearly too important to have to work on New Year’s Eve, I began to see it was truly a wasted day. I need an Experts R’ Us. Do you think we can get one of those on tap? Unfortunately, I have seven articles due in two weeks. Two of them I can write in my sleep, but the others require these experts who are too smart to have to work today. I should’ve been an expert.

At this point in my researching day, it's probably better that I don't write anything that I'm paid to write or talk to anyone, because I'm more like the ginger-headed "This one time, at band camp" girl from American Pie, but without her meds. Clearly, I need to exercise. But, I took one look outside this morning when I was kissing my husband good-bye and saw the rain and fog and gray clouds and said forget that. I told him "good luck with that" and quickly shut and locked the door. 

This is how my writing day typically goes: Fix breakfast and get kids to school. Come home, look around and decide to either do laundry, take a shower, go workout, or write. I choose anything but writing. Then I do one of the other things (usually shower). After that, I’m feeling refreshed and usually famished so I make myself lunch and think about writing. Then I sit down at my computer and check my email, Facebook, the news. Half an hour later, I look at the clock and it’s almost time to get the kids. So, I get down to the business of writing something to make myself seem productive. 

So now you guys know why it’s taking me so long to finish my novel (at least I have a first draft). And, all of the above is for stuff I’m paid to do. But, I chalk it up to research and kind of writing, because I’m always thinking of things in my head. Trust me, the conversations in my head are way funnier. I just can't ever remember what I was thinking by the time I sit down in front of a computer.

Anyway, if I’d been an expert I wouldn’t have to track down all of those other experts who are too smart to have to work on New Year’s Eve and I could write my own article without them. I may do that anyway.

Happy New Year!!

Camping: A Cold Day in Hell

Let me just preface this with an admission: I’m not a camper. I like nice and comfy. But, as the mother of two boys, I try to be a good sport. So when my oldest asked to go on a Boy Scout winter camping trip, I said sure. I imagined myself relaxing in the tent reading the funny book I just started and laughing out loud without anyone looking at me funny. This summer, we purchased a gigantic tent and air mattresses, so why not. At least in the winter, you won’t melt.

What I didn’t imagine was shivering so much that I actually lost weight and couldn’t fathom pulling my hands out to hold my iPad. Or, waking up in the middle of the night needing to go to the bathroom and deciding I would rather risk a kidney infection than to get out of my sleeping bag. I did manage to inch my nose out from under the covers to hiss at my husband to turn on the portable heater. (After all, this is his fault right? If he had given me a girl, I would’ve stayed home with her.)

Have you ever seen a wet cat? That was me. Because, did I mention that it was drizzling and raining? We had to hike to the bathrooms. As one of only two moms on this ill-fated, windy, wet camping trip, I can say that it was not a desirable situation in the middle of the 40 degree night. The others had either learned their lesson before, or are just smarter than me.

Needless to say, I didn’t get any reading done. I did, however, get in my nice, comfy car the next morning and drive home with my youngest, feeling only a bit guilty at leaving my oldest and husband behind. Of course, not guilty enough to suffer with them for the next two nights. I’m glad I had only committed to one night. Now, I’m finally getting to read that funny book in the comfort of my big, warm, cushy bed.

Shades of Pink

The Fifty Shades Trilogy was wildly popular among moms here in the burbs. If you don’t believe me, you should’ve seen all of the happy husbands this past summer. It sparked such rampant reading that one book publisher noted it as a reason for their decrease in quarterly revenue. 

There have been many who tried to figure out what it was that made the books so popular. While some men try to claim that they get Playboy to read the articles, women can’t claim that they bought the 50 trilogy for its quality of writing. 

Well, it turns out that all of that extra frisky time had some health benefits. In this article from Women’s Day http://bit.ly/UgQmHG, it suggests that time in the bedroom can make you thinner, your heart healthier, boost your immune system, improve mental health and sleep, relieve pain, and give you healthier skin. Some studies have even linked the frequency of orgasms to a decrease in breast and prostate cancer, a cure for PMS, and a surge of the anti-aging DHEA. So instead of worrying about that face lift in a few years, you can save yourself the trouble and money by grabbing that husband. 

To help you along, in their December issue, GQ came out with five dirty books for men to read. So I double-dog dare you to pick one up for your hubby this holiday season. It’s for your health after all. 

On their list: John Updike's Couples, Nicholson Baker's The Fermata, Alan Hollinghurst's The Swimming-Pool Library, Nic Kelman's girls, and James Salter's A Sport and a Pastime. The GQ article is worth a read because it gives you a sneak peak into each book so you can decide which one that man in your life would like best.

Happy reading and other stuff.

Advent ideas

Every year, I run into the same problem with Advent–what do I get? I try to strive for an average of $1 per gift. When the boys were little, matchbox cars were great. I've also purchased small Lego kits and split them apart to make it last longer (i.e. the person for one day, and the vehicle or other part the next). Now that the boys are older, cars don't really work and they already have tons of Legos. Last year, I started doing coupons that I made. This year, we came up with more ideas for the coupons because they were the biggest hit last year.

I've included some below in case you need ideas too. I have more designs and ideas too (like bake cookies, and Christmas Light Night). If you would like the word document, I can send them to you. If you have ideas to share, I'd love to hear them.